"Ever
since J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis created the worlds of Middle
Earth and Narnia, it seems like every windbag off the street thinks
he can write great, original fantasy, too. The problem is that most
of this "great, original fantasy" is actually poor,
derivative fantasy. Frankly, we're sick of it, so we've compiled a
list of rip-off tip-offs in the form of an exam. We think anybody
considering writing a fantasy novel should be required to take this
exam first. Answering "yes" to a question results in
failure and means that the se tion in question should be
re-examined"
The Exam(link to the original thread here)
1. Does nothing happen in the first fifty pages?
The Exam(link to the original thread here)
1. Does nothing happen in the first fifty pages?
No.
2. Is your main character a young farmhand with mysterious parentage?
2. Is your main character a young farmhand with mysterious parentage?
No.
3. Is your main character the heir to the throne but doesn't know it?
3. Is your main character the heir to the throne but doesn't know it?
No.
4. Is your story about a young character who comes of age, gains great power, and
defeats the supreme badguy?
4. Is your story about a young character who comes of age, gains great power, and
defeats the supreme badguy?
No.
5. Is your story about a quest for a magical artifact that will save the world?
5. Is your story about a quest for a magical artifact that will save the world?
No.
6. How about one that will destroy it?
6. How about one that will destroy it?
No.
7. Does your story revolve around an ancient prophecy about "The One" who will save
the world and everybody and all the forces of good?
7. Does your story revolve around an ancient prophecy about "The One" who will save
the world and everybody and all the forces of good?
Not really.
8. Does your novel contain a character whose sole purpose is to show up at random
plot points and dispense information?
8. Does your novel contain a character whose sole purpose is to show up at random
plot points and dispense information?
No.
9. Does your novel contain a character that is really a god in disguise?
9. Does your novel contain a character that is really a god in disguise?
No, since the character is not 'actually' a god.
10. Is the evil supreme badguy secretly the father of your main character?
10. Is the evil supreme badguy secretly the father of your main character?
No.
11. Is the king of your world a kindly king duped by an evil magician?
11. Is the king of your world a kindly king duped by an evil magician?
No.
12. Does "a forgetful wizard" describe any of the characters in your novel?
12. Does "a forgetful wizard" describe any of the characters in your novel?
No.
13. How about "a powerful but slow and kind-hearted warrior"?
13. How about "a powerful but slow and kind-hearted warrior"?
No.
14. How about "a wise, mystical sage who refuses to give away plot details for his
own personal, mysterious reasons"?
14. How about "a wise, mystical sage who refuses to give away plot details for his
own personal, mysterious reasons"?
No.
15. Do the female characters in your novel spend a lot of time worrying about how
they look, especially when the male main character is around?
15. Do the female characters in your novel spend a lot of time worrying about how
they look, especially when the male main character is around?
Any relevant sections have been made to be realistic. Some female characters care, some don't.
16. Do any of your female characters exist solely to be captured and rescued?
16. Do any of your female characters exist solely to be captured and rescued?
No.
17. Do any of your female characters exist solely to embody feminist ideals?
17. Do any of your female characters exist solely to embody feminist ideals?
No.
18. Would "a clumsy cooking wench more comfortable with a frying pan than a sword"
aptly describe any of your female characters?
18. Would "a clumsy cooking wench more comfortable with a frying pan than a sword"
aptly describe any of your female characters?
No.
19. Would "a fearless warrioress more comfortable with a sword than a frying pan"
aptly describe any of your female characters?
19. Would "a fearless warrioress more comfortable with a sword than a frying pan"
aptly describe any of your female characters?
No.
20. Is any character in your novel best described as "a dour dwarf"?
20. Is any character in your novel best described as "a dour dwarf"?
No.
21. How about "a half-elf torn between his human and elven heritage"?
21. How about "a half-elf torn between his human and elven heritage"?
No. Elves and humans can't breed.
22. Did you make the elves and the dwarves great friends, just to be different?
22. Did you make the elves and the dwarves great friends, just to be different?
Nope, still enemies.
23. Does everybody under four feet tall exist solely for comic relief?
23. Does everybody under four feet tall exist solely for comic relief?
No
24. Do you think that the only two uses for ships are fishing and piracy?
24. Do you think that the only two uses for ships are fishing and piracy?
No
25. Do you not know when the hay baler was invented?
25. Do you not know when the hay baler was invented?
Hay baler?
26. Did you draw a map for your novel which includes places named things like "The
Blasted Lands" or "The Forest of Fear" or "The Desert of Desolation" or
absolutely anything "of Doom"?
26. Did you draw a map for your novel which includes places named things like "The
Blasted Lands" or "The Forest of Fear" or "The Desert of Desolation" or
absolutely anything "of Doom"?
I have a map, but when naming areas, I avoided all those stupid cliches. So, No.
27. Does your novel contain a prologue that is impossible to understand until you've
read the entire book, if even then?
27. Does your novel contain a prologue that is impossible to understand until you've
read the entire book, if even then?
No. I had a prologue, but I ended up working it into the main narrative.
28. Is this the first book in a planned trilogy?
28. Is this the first book in a planned trilogy?
Trilogy. Nope.
29. How about a quintet or a decalogue?
29. How about a quintet or a decalogue?
5 or 10? No, atm there is 7-8 planned, may increase or decrease. I want to tell my story, no matter how long that takes.
30. Is your novel thicker than a New York City phone book?
30. Is your novel thicker than a New York City phone book?
No idea, it isn't finished yet.
31. Did absolutely nothing happen in the previous book you wrote, yet you figure
you're still many sequels away from finishing your "story"?
31. Did absolutely nothing happen in the previous book you wrote, yet you figure
you're still many sequels away from finishing your "story"?
This is the first book, and I plan on having plenty of things "happen" in each book.
32. Are you writing prequels to your as-yet-unfinished series of books?
32. Are you writing prequels to your as-yet-unfinished series of books?
Nope.
33. Is your name Robert Jordan and you lied like a dog to get this far?
33. Is your name Robert Jordan and you lied like a dog to get this far?
No.
34. Is your novel based on the adventures of your role-playing group?
34. Is your novel based on the adventures of your role-playing group?
I have no roleplaying group.
35. Does your novel contain characters transported from the real world to a fantasy
realm?
35. Does your novel contain characters transported from the real world to a fantasy
realm?
No.
36. Do any of your main characters have apostrophes or dashes in their names?
36. Do any of your main characters have apostrophes or dashes in their names?
No.
37. Do any of your main characters have names longer than three syllables?
37. Do any of your main characters have names longer than three syllables?
No.
38. Do you see nothing wrong with having two characters from the same small isolated
village being named "Tim Umber" and "Belthusalanthalus al'Grinsok"?
38. Do you see nothing wrong with having two characters from the same small isolated
village being named "Tim Umber" and "Belthusalanthalus al'Grinsok"?
God that would be awful...
39. Does your novel contain orcs, elves, dwarves, or halflings?
39. Does your novel contain orcs, elves, dwarves, or halflings?
Elves, yes. But for a reason.
40. How about "orken" or "dwerrows"?
40. How about "orken" or "dwerrows"?
Dwarrows, and again, for a reason.
41. Do you have a race prefixed by "half-"?
41. Do you have a race prefixed by "half-"?
No.
42. At any point in your novel, do the main characters take a shortcut through
ancient dwarven mines?
42. At any point in your novel, do the main characters take a shortcut through
ancient dwarven mines?
A shortcut? No. It is just a way to avoid the badguys. And they aren't ancient, nor mines.
43. Do you write your battle scenes by playing them out in your favorite RPG?
43. Do you write your battle scenes by playing them out in your favorite RPG?
No, I have experience with battle sequences, and fighting on the field.
44. Have you done up game statistics for all of your main characters in your favorite
RPG?
44. Have you done up game statistics for all of your main characters in your favorite
RPG?
No.
45. Are you writing a work-for-hire for Wizards of the Coast?
45. Are you writing a work-for-hire for Wizards of the Coast?
No.
46. Do inns in your book exist solely so your main characters can have brawls?
46. Do inns in your book exist solely so your main characters can have brawls?
No.
47. Do you think you know how feudalism worked but really don't?
47. Do you think you know how feudalism worked but really don't?
I claim no knowledge of feudalism, in fact I don't actually intend to set my story in the "medival-era"
48. Do your characters spend an inordinate amount of time journeying from place to
place?
48. Do your characters spend an inordinate amount of time journeying from place to
place?
Not as of yet.
49. Could one of your main characters tell the other characters something that would
really help them in their quest but refuses to do so just so it won't break the
plot?
49. Could one of your main characters tell the other characters something that would
really help them in their quest but refuses to do so just so it won't break the
plot?
No, that would be silly.
50. Do any of the magic users in your novel cast spells easily identifiable
as "fireball" or "lightning bolt"?
50. Do any of the magic users in your novel cast spells easily identifiable
as "fireball" or "lightning bolt"?
No.
51. Do you ever use the term "mana" in your novel?
51. Do you ever use the term "mana" in your novel?
No.
52. Do you ever use the term "plate mail" in your novel?
52. Do you ever use the term "plate mail" in your novel?
No.
53. Heaven help you, do you ever use the term "hit points" in your novel?
53. Heaven help you, do you ever use the term "hit points" in your novel?
No.
54. Do you not realize how much gold actually weighs?
54. Do you not realize how much gold actually weighs?
No.
55. Do you think horses can gallop all day long without rest?
55. Do you think horses can gallop all day long without rest?
Not unless you want to kill it.
56. Does anybody in your novel fight for two hours straight in full plate armor, then
ride a horse for four hours, then delicately make love to a willing barmaid all
in the same day?
56. Does anybody in your novel fight for two hours straight in full plate armor, then
ride a horse for four hours, then delicately make love to a willing barmaid all
in the same day?
No.
57. Does your main character have a magic axe, hammer, spear, or other weapon that
returns to him when he throws it?
57. Does your main character have a magic axe, hammer, spear, or other weapon that
returns to him when he throws it?
No. He's not bloody Thor.
58. Does anybody in your novel ever stab anybody with a scimitar?
58. Does anybody in your novel ever stab anybody with a scimitar?
No.
59. Does anybody in your novel stab anybody straight through plate armor?
59. Does anybody in your novel stab anybody straight through plate armor?
No.
60. Do you think swords weigh ten pounds or more?
60. Do you think swords weigh ten pounds or more?
No.
61. Does your hero fall in love with an unattainable woman, whom he later attains?
61. Does your hero fall in love with an unattainable woman, whom he later attains?
No. The love falling doesn't happen till after she is 'attainable.'
62. Does a large portion of the humor in your novel consist of puns?
62. Does a large portion of the humor in your novel consist of puns?
No.
63. Is your hero able to withstand multiple blows from the fantasy equivalent of a
ten pound sledge but is still threatened by a small woman with a dagger?
63. Is your hero able to withstand multiple blows from the fantasy equivalent of a
ten pound sledge but is still threatened by a small woman with a dagger?
No.
64. Do you really think it frequently takes more than one arrow in the chest to kill
a man?
64. Do you really think it frequently takes more than one arrow in the chest to kill
a man?
No.
65. Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor choice
for an "on the road" meal?
65. Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor choice
for an "on the road" meal?
Hardtack, flatbreads, dried fruits, and nuts are 'on-the-road' food. Or fish, or dried meat.
66. Do you have nomadic barbarians living on the tundra and consuming barrels and
barrels of mead?
66. Do you have nomadic barbarians living on the tundra and consuming barrels and
barrels of mead?
No.
67. Do you think that "mead" is just a fancy name for "beer"?
67. Do you think that "mead" is just a fancy name for "beer"?
No.
68. Does your story involve a number of different races, each of which has exactly
one country, one ruler, and one religion?
68. Does your story involve a number of different races, each of which has exactly
one country, one ruler, and one religion?
No.
69. Is the best organized and most numerous group of people in your world the
thieves' guild?
69. Is the best organized and most numerous group of people in your world the
thieves' guild?
I have not established a "thieves' guild"
70. Does your main villain punish insignificant mistakes with death?
70. Does your main villain punish insignificant mistakes with death?
No.
71. Is your story about a crack team of warriors that take along a bard who is
useless in a fight, though he plays a mean lute?
71. Is your story about a crack team of warriors that take along a bard who is
useless in a fight, though he plays a mean lute?
No.
72. Is "common" the official language of your world?
72. Is "common" the official language of your world?
No. The humans in Ascalade speak Rushai, the Elves speak Mantos, the dwarrows speak Dondorow, etc...
There is a "trade" language, but it has several forms, and slangs as well.
73. Is the countryside in your novel littered with tombs and gravesites filled with
ancient magical loot that nobody thought to steal centuries before?
73. Is the countryside in your novel littered with tombs and gravesites filled with
ancient magical loot that nobody thought to steal centuries before?
No.
74. Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings?
74. Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings?
No, I'm drawing from a completely different mythos.
75. Read that question again and answer truthfully.
75. Read that question again and answer truthfully.
Hah.
I have to admit these questions are pretty funny. But on a side note, I'd like to know a lot more about this map you have for your book. Could I see it? Also, did you draw it yourself?
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm still working on it. I have two version of it atm, along with a third I'm working on. At some point, I'm going to need to read up on geography so I can make sure I don't do random things that don't make sense.
DeleteAnd yes, drawn myself, though I'll probably employ a cartographer for publication.
I'm working a parallel universe as well, but my drawing skills will never be able to portray it right. I still might upload a picture though.
Delete